There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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