I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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