i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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