you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
