so explain again why im purple
no
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's never too late to be topless.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
