i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it