he thought i was a dude.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.