If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.