the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
