literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
