Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
