I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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