Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
