Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
