It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
