She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
