Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
