you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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