I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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