You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
