Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just blew my weed a kiss
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
