You're so nebulous sometimes
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
