We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
