you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
