Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
