We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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