I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
