some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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