Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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