Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
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No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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