I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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