your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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