remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
This baby is an asshole
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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