When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
