Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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