I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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