the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
