You're so nebulous sometimes
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
