he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
