Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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