I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
