3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
