you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize