Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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