So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
