I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
