Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
