Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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