No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
