My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
