No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
