im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
