We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
