I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
