She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
