i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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