When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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