Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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