And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
