i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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