I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
