I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
