are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
