Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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