yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
