Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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