It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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