I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
