the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
