And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
