So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
