Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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