This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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