Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
